she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
