Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
