im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
my sisters under your porch take her home
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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