I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
