Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
