so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Couch. On fire.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
