Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
