Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
