my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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