Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
