I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
