Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
