getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
