Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
