i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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