My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
