It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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