i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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