I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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