remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
