hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
