Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
