I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
im holly from the hills drunk
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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