nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
