just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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