You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
