Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
