You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I'm drive I can fine osifer
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
