i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
he thought i was a dude.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
