oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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