my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
