he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
