How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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