in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
