Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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