ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
