he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
