Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
