The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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