who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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