Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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