hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I love you. Go after that dick
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
