One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
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