The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
