then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
