Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
