My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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