Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
