Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Randomize
