He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
